Category Archives: Reign

Francis has graduated to Frances

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Catherine is a stone cold BITCH! She killed your twins like a million years ago, beat her ass, banish her to an even further land and be done with it. Bash (her son) just saved your LIFE! Damn, you should have spared her because of him! Whatever. Ever dog has its day. Side note: I’m glad Henry and the twins are finally gone.

I can’t believe Conde got beat by Frances. What?! He lost about 15 points for that. Frances is the fairest maiden in the land, and he beat you in a manly mans stick fight? I no longer think I want him and Mary to be together. If Frances keeps this testosterone levels high, while simultaneously letting Mary solve all of their problems, I might finally be ok with their union.

Fucking Greer. All she had to do was tell the truth from the get go. Now she has nothing and no one. Where will she go? What will she do to support herself?! All of these unanswered questions. I really wish Lola was in Greer’s place. Why won’t she go back to Scotland?

Mary is the best. Long may she reign

May the best man win

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Reign has finally returned! Yay! Now that i’ve got my excitement out of the way, lets recap this episode.

Ok, so the light bulb in Frances’ head finally went off when he said he should just go with what Mary says instead of against. Jesus Christ on a cracker, it only took him TWO seasons of complete failure to realize this. We’ve known since the show started he was not suited to be a king. He proved our suspicions once he took the throne. I hope he sticks to the plan of letting Mary make all the decisions. Doubt it will last that long though. Soon he will begin to feel emasculated and go back to his old, always wrong ways.

Why can’t Kenna catch a break? Yeah she was a hoe, but she isn’t anymore. That’s Catherine’s only dig towards her and she uses it every chance she gets! Here is Kenna being the nice caring girl that she is, trying to save Claude from death by poison, and she has the audacity to be a bitch to Kenna! She was dropping hints to that stupid hoe regarding the soup and her mom, but she wasn’t picking up what she was putting down. Finally as a last resort, she spells it out for her and gets bitched out as a thank you! And to add insult to injury, she told Kenna about her and Bash’s scandalous past. What a stupid bitch. I would have force fed her the rest of that soup if I were Kenna. But Kenna is a better person than I am because she just simply said her peace and left.

Why every time some shit goes down, Conde is almost always guaranteed to be at the center? I went back and forth for a while regarding his intentions, but I think they are pure. Obviously they didn’t start off that way, but he’s fallen hard for Mary which gave him a change of heart. His brother, I don’t trust him. Mary is so nice to everyone that I’m not sure if she is soft on Conde or if she’s just being herself. Either way, I’m glad she helps him. With that being said, if he turns on her like a two headed cobra, I will end him myself.

Can’t wait to see Frances and Conde duke it out of Mary though. Maybe Frances will stop taking her for granted knowing there are others out there that would gladly replace him.

Long may she reign.

It’s on like Donkey Kong

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AHHHHHHH!! I want all of those rebel protestants head’s on a stick! HOW DARE THEY?! Everyone, meet me in the town square at dusk. Bring your pitch forks, branding irons, Molotov cocktails and whatever other weapons you can think of! If we leave this vengeance in Frances’ hands, it may never happen. But sadly, we must. One, because we are not actual cast members on this show, and two, because they wouldn’t be able to drag this storyline out. I say that because the viewers wouldn’t need more than half an episode to hunt down and kill the offenders. Frances on the the other hand, will muddle through and drag this out for 2, maybe 3 episodes before he accomplishes what we could have in 23 minutes! I bet Mary is going to be the one who catches them anyway. Whatever the case may be, heads better roll!!

I’d like to give a round of applause to Katherine for the way she handled the situation tonight. She actually has a heart and soul.

Conde and Claude. I don’t approve. Conde is gorgeous and all, but i’m still not sure of his intentions at court. Only thing i’m sure of regarding him, is that he wants to be Mary’s secret lover.

Greer, you and your old ass husband are in quite the pickle. First things first, I suggest you guys tie up as many loose ends as you can. And by tie up, i mean kill everyone who was involved with “building the school”. Your money financed an assassination attempt on your king and queen! Mary would never let you go down for this though if she ever finds out.

I hope Mary doesn’t lose her wits about her in the coming episodes. Or should I say HOPED. Based on the preview for next week’s episode, she’s a wreck. Understandably so.

OMG WHAT IF SHE GETS PREGNANT?!!!

Long may she reign.

Catholic or Protestant: Who ya with?!

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They were playing no games! Cutting off hands and lips because they aren’t catholic?! That’s pretty intense! That being said, how is this protestant minister going to roll up to the castle and make massive threats? I mean, I know they are persecuting your people, but you don’t threaten Mary! Threatening Frances…i’ll let that one slide, but never Mary! And then to top off his treachery, he’s leading Bash and Conde on wild goose chases. I would torture him to the brink of death since they can’t kill him on account of they need him, and his death would cause a war. How about they bring him to the town square and let his congregation know what a monster he is.

Lola and Narcisse. I’m over them both. He found her out days ago. Why is she still alive…ughhhh. Claude and Narcisse. I do not want them together. Even though I’m not sure if I like her (even though she’s a murderer), I don’t think she deserves him. He’s better suited for Lola.

Frances, how many times do I have to tell you to let Mary handle all of the problems. You are a little girl! You should have let Mary go to the protestants and smooth things over like she suggested from jump! But nooooo, poor little girly man didn’t want to look weak. Well guess what? YOU ARE! Fast forward 20mins to him in the torture chamber all teary like, “I didn’t intend for any of this to happen”. REALLY? Cause I think you did. Every time you try to solve a problem solo dolo, you actually make it worse. Literally every time. Ok, maybe not eveerrryyy, but 9/10. So I have no sympathy for you and your solo remedies. I love Mary even more (if that’s possible) for calling Frances out on his failure in diffusing the situation between the two religions. Long may she reign.

Next up on Maury…

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Sooooo….how many kids does Catherine have? 7? Let’s see, there’s Frances, the two young boys, Clarissa (isn’t she alive),this Claude bitch, and now the twins from the shinning?! What?! I need an episode that only consist of Catherine’s back story. i don’t like Claude and I hope she goes back to whatever brothel she crawled out of. Doubt that’s going to happen anytime soon. They didn’t just introduce her for the hell of it. I KNEW her and Bash were cuddy buddies! The way she was eye checking Kenna told me everything I needed to know.

What is HOE-la doing back at court? I thought she was given/banished to a house on the outskirts of the grounds. How come every time I blink she’s on the screen? I don’t approve. Looks like she’s all buddy buddy with Narcisse now for real. I still don’t know what to think about him. When he walked in the bathroom while Lola was bathing, I was praying to the father, the son, and the holy spirit that he would drown here. I didn’t expect him to give her a choice. I thought he was on to her and came to silence her once and for all. And of course big stupid agreed to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong and take him up on his offer to build trust and trade secrets. NO BITCH! YOU TRUST FRANCES AND FRANCES ONLY! YOU HAD ONE JOB! PLANT THAT LETTER AND LEAVE! uggggghhhh. Now she wants to straddle the fence. That’s not how the game is played. Hopefully she will be exposed and charged with treason by Frances and sentenced to death!

I think Frances’ prince cousin Conde wants Mary. Sometimes I don’t think he’s trustworthy, but then he goes the extra mile to prove he is, which of course overshadows his shadiness. Frances better keep an eye on him. Especially now since he basically gave Mary her WALKING PAPERS! How dare you, you macaroni haired loser? I know he’s trying to protect her but he goes about it in the harshest of ways. Here’s a thought Frances, how about you tell Mary the truth?! You think she can’t handle it? Not only can she handle it, she will fix it! She is stronger than you!!!! I hope she takes you up on your hideous offer and goes back to Scotland, and watches France crumble in her absence. Idiot

Long may she reigns

Who needs enemies when you have friends like LOLA?!

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Fucking Lola…she had me on craigslist looking for someone who had a time machine so I could go to France CIRCA 1556-7…AND KICK HER ASS! I CAN NOT STAND HER! THE NERVE OF THIS HOE IS UNRIVALED! KJSDFBGJAGJHUAEG! HOW DARE YOU PUSH MARY TO HER BREAKING POINT. AND BY BREAKING POINT I MEAN THE POINT WHERE SHE FINALLY SNAPS ON YO HOE ASS FOR YOUR PAST TRANSGRESSIONS! FINALLY Mary gave you what you deserved! I was fist pumping the whole time!! Hey Lola, YOU COME IN THE DOG HOUSE, YOU GET BIT! Can you believe Lola took the escape of Estelle into her own hands after her and Mary’s very heated row? Ummm, who do you think you are? You can’t take on such a task and it was proven with the circus you started. She killed a guard and then Mary had to save both of you guys in the end anyway. When will you learn? Oh I can’t forget about earlier when they were arguing in the breezeway and Mary asked her,  “What did I do to make you feel uncomfortable…” I ALMOST FLIPPED THE DAMN TABLE! LOLA SHOULD BE KISSING YOUR BOOTS, MARY! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! MARY IS SO SWEET AND COMPASSIONATE THAT IT MAKES ME SAD. I’m glad you were released from court. I hope you wake up with a ticket to Scotland on your pillow in the coming episodes because your services and shitty friendship are no longer needed. But of course that won’t happen. Mary is too nice and you guys reconciled…for now. I’m confident you will eventually cause another commotion, and this time I hope you are not forgiven.

Soooo Narcisse is a good guy? His stories of his previous wives brought my hate level for him from a 15/10 to an 11/10. Looks like he’s once again on the market. Wife number 5. I nominate Lola. Maybe they can get married and ride off into the sunset. And by sunset I mean off the show.

Mary lost the baby! Whyyyyyy God, whyyyyyyyyy?!?! Of all the dirt bags running around court, why does Mary the great have to suffer such heartache? And Frances was an absolute doll tonight. The happiest moment of his life scene, the “fireflies” after he found out about the baby. Good on you, Frances. Don’t worry Mary, there may still be hope for you producing an heir. Long may she Reign.

I apologize for the text written in caps lock…it’s the only way to get anger across in writing.

Mary, Queen of Scots and France

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So Reign is back and they are playing no games! So many deaths this episode. Mostly a bunch of nobodies, but still! Ok, so this whole black death situation has me on edge. Nobody is safe! First Pascal, and now possibly Kenna? Can she catch a break? I mean, Damn! She wasn’t infected but they locked her in there with the dead and poor Pascal. Bash was cold as ice though when he came to rescue her though. Scooped her up in a loving embrace knowing good and well he was touched by an infected and he very well may be infected! I guess Bash was like we are going down together.

Let’s talk about this new Mary. I’m loving it! Not gonna lie though, when she checked Katherine, I thought the next scene was gonna be here checking into the castle’s infirmary. Katherine is getting soft. Oh, and when she hopped up off that throne and checked grain boy, no lie, I literally jumped damn near out my skin, she startled me so! I feel bad for her though because she might become even more ruthless than Katherine when that’s not who she is or wants to be.

How about Frances and HOEla. I guess I’m glad Frances went and got them. You know, bring them out of the infected woods. I wish he would have let her and the baby leave though. How weird is it going to be between Mary and Lola now.  Someone is bound to find out this mega secret. It’s going to be a shit storm WHEN it gets out. Nothing Mary can’t handle though. LONG MAY SHE REIGN