Lifetime: Where nightmares are made


If lifetime were a person….

Ok, so I know pretty much the entire world watch this horrendous Aaliyah: Princess of R&B, movie last night. I promised myself I wouldn’t watch it, but i couldn’t help myself. I’ve been distressed ever since, but that’s what I get. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

Was it just me or was time flying by? In the span of 10 minutes, she goes from 8 to 15! What? During this time they at least flashed a year across the bottom of the screen, but after a while, they gave up on that and it was a guessing game. I literally gaged the time elapsed and her age, by the length of her hair. Did anyone notice how her hair got longer and longer, like every other scene? And subsequently, another monumental part of her life would begin?! I know you only had two hours, but damn! I have a list of scenes they could have cut in order to place new, more relevant ones there, or extended some of the pre-existing ones.

How about that casting?! Are you freaking kidding me? Was the casting director for this movie under the impression that this was a fictional story, therefore he could cast who he wanted because these people didn’t really exist? That has to be the case because there is no other reason that the casting should have been soooooo far off! Missy and Timb?! Neither were on the large side. Were there no larger actors at your casting call? Their Missy casting pick would have been perfect…if this movie was The Life and Times of MARY J BLIGE! What about Damon Dash? I was always under the impression (thanks to photographic evidence) that he was kind of short and stocky with a fat, bald, blockish head. How come last night he was tall and thin like a slim jim? Why did no one make an effort to find someone with at least the same build for these characters? Lifetime knew this movie was going to be wiggidy wiggidy wack during pre-production! You can’t use her vocals, you got clearance for some of her songs, but not the ones everyone was expecting to hear (NO ONE IN A MILLION?! REALLY?!), Stevie Wonder was your casting director, and the president of cheesyville was your screenwriter. Were those cons not enough for you to sit back and say you know what, maybe we shouldn’t make this movie. Was the fact that you weren’t going to be able to use not one Aaliyah/Missy/Timb callabo in this movie a major deciding factor on giving this the green light or not? Apparently not. That alone was reason to pull the plug.

Wendy Williams….I blame you more than I blame lifetime. Why did you sign on to produce this. You knew the lowdown of the situation and you still signed on. I hope you’re happy with yourself. You will never live this down. As long as I have breath in my body, I will troll you every chance I get. If I ever see you on the streets, no matter how much time has passed, you already know i’m going to ask you WTF were you thinking back in 2014 when you teamed up with lifetime. Year 2025, (via some futuristic social media platform) I will still be reminding you of that sad day in U.S History (11/15/14) where you offend a nation. I hope you spent all of last night, and much of this morning reading all of the comments and memes that were written/made about you. How YOU doin?!

Alexandra Shipp. I kind of feel bad for the kid. Of all casted, she was the only one who wasn’t that bad of a choice. I was totally against it at first, but during he months leading up to the airing, i accepted it. I think her voice was too high for these songs. That being said, I actually think she has a pretty nice voice. Just not the right voice for the covers. I can’t really judge her on her acting, because the script was booty cheddar, so was her acting, which makes sense. I think she did the best she could with the scraps she was given. I also think she sucked in Drumline 2. I also think that movie sucked as well. I won’t judge her completely until she gets a role in a decent movie. Then, if her acting is still awful, I will finally say she sucks as an actress. She’s getting ripped apart right along with Lifetime and Wendy. She could have avoided all of this backlash by passing on the role, but she didn’t and now she’s being nailed to the cross. I don’t think she deserves alllllll the hate and comments she’s been getting though (however funny it may be, lol).

Moral of the story, Lifetime + a biopic= A DISASTER

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