Murder she wrote

KARLA SOUZA, JACK FALAHEE, AJA NAOMI KING

Who else jumped out of there skin when they heard “Don’t be” coming from the shadows? Annaliese is something else! She is either an evil genius, or just plain bat shit crazy. I haven’t decided yet. She is like a less violent version of Emily Thorn. Her sneaky, manipulative ways know no bounds! Here I am really thinking she’s trying to find Sam and is genuinely distressed over his absence (for what reason, I’ll never know). Then we find out she already knew he was dead for half the night, and her outpouring of grief and concern are part of her plan to help her Keating 5 get away with murder! Shonda is a genius!

Some, (Brittany Powell), may wonder why they just don’t stop the lies and tell the truth. Well, because Annaliese is the puppet master. The only reason Wes lied and said Heads during the coin toss was because Annaliese gave him instructions to go back and move the body. We find out at the end of the show, Anna already knew they killed Sam. Clearly she didn’t just tell Wes to not feel sorry and let him go. Rest assured she gave him instructions on what to do from there on out. I would never dream of going against her, so I too would lie until the end of time if I had to. Who knows what she’s capable of!

As for Sam…good riddance you loser. I’m convinced he really did kill her now. I say that because had it been me thrown over a second story banister, once I regained consciousness, my first instinct would have been to slither out of that house unseen. Five against one? I don’t like those odds. But no, what does he do? He rises from what very well could have been his death, and try to strangle Rebecca! Are your secrets that bad to where you get a second chance at life and you waste it on trying to kill a girl with 3 of her frienemies and her lover near?! You deserved to get your socks rocked.

Who really killed Sam though? I vote Mikayla. And not because she is the one who initially pushed him over the banister. For one, she was protecting Laurel, and secondly, he bounced back from that anyway. Even though Wes delivered the deadly blow, none of this wouldn’t have happened if Mikayla would have not brought attention to Rebecca’s presence in the house! You saw how she was creeping towards the stairs like the Grinch in the town square of Whoville on Christmas Eve! Obviously she was up to no good! That alone was reason enough for her not to blurt out, “Rebecca?!”. She set off the chain reaction that which lead to Sam’s death.

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Catholic or Protestant: Who ya with?!

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They were playing no games! Cutting off hands and lips because they aren’t catholic?! That’s pretty intense! That being said, how is this protestant minister going to roll up to the castle and make massive threats? I mean, I know they are persecuting your people, but you don’t threaten Mary! Threatening Frances…i’ll let that one slide, but never Mary! And then to top off his treachery, he’s leading Bash and Conde on wild goose chases. I would torture him to the brink of death since they can’t kill him on account of they need him, and his death would cause a war. How about they bring him to the town square and let his congregation know what a monster he is.

Lola and Narcisse. I’m over them both. He found her out days ago. Why is she still alive…ughhhh. Claude and Narcisse. I do not want them together. Even though I’m not sure if I like her (even though she’s a murderer), I don’t think she deserves him. He’s better suited for Lola.

Frances, how many times do I have to tell you to let Mary handle all of the problems. You are a little girl! You should have let Mary go to the protestants and smooth things over like she suggested from jump! But nooooo, poor little girly man didn’t want to look weak. Well guess what? YOU ARE! Fast forward 20mins to him in the torture chamber all teary like, “I didn’t intend for any of this to happen”. REALLY? Cause I think you did. Every time you try to solve a problem solo dolo, you actually make it worse. Literally every time. Ok, maybe not eveerrryyy, but 9/10. So I have no sympathy for you and your solo remedies. I love Mary even more (if that’s possible) for calling Frances out on his failure in diffusing the situation between the two religions. Long may she reign.

Next up on Maury…

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Sooooo….how many kids does Catherine have? 7? Let’s see, there’s Frances, the two young boys, Clarissa (isn’t she alive),this Claude bitch, and now the twins from the shinning?! What?! I need an episode that only consist of Catherine’s back story. i don’t like Claude and I hope she goes back to whatever brothel she crawled out of. Doubt that’s going to happen anytime soon. They didn’t just introduce her for the hell of it. I KNEW her and Bash were cuddy buddies! The way she was eye checking Kenna told me everything I needed to know.

What is HOE-la doing back at court? I thought she was given/banished to a house on the outskirts of the grounds. How come every time I blink she’s on the screen? I don’t approve. Looks like she’s all buddy buddy with Narcisse now for real. I still don’t know what to think about him. When he walked in the bathroom while Lola was bathing, I was praying to the father, the son, and the holy spirit that he would drown here. I didn’t expect him to give her a choice. I thought he was on to her and came to silence her once and for all. And of course big stupid agreed to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong and take him up on his offer to build trust and trade secrets. NO BITCH! YOU TRUST FRANCES AND FRANCES ONLY! YOU HAD ONE JOB! PLANT THAT LETTER AND LEAVE! uggggghhhh. Now she wants to straddle the fence. That’s not how the game is played. Hopefully she will be exposed and charged with treason by Frances and sentenced to death!

I think Frances’ prince cousin Conde wants Mary. Sometimes I don’t think he’s trustworthy, but then he goes the extra mile to prove he is, which of course overshadows his shadiness. Frances better keep an eye on him. Especially now since he basically gave Mary her WALKING PAPERS! How dare you, you macaroni haired loser? I know he’s trying to protect her but he goes about it in the harshest of ways. Here’s a thought Frances, how about you tell Mary the truth?! You think she can’t handle it? Not only can she handle it, she will fix it! She is stronger than you!!!! I hope she takes you up on your hideous offer and goes back to Scotland, and watches France crumble in her absence. Idiot

Long may she reigns

Lifetime: Where nightmares are made

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If lifetime were a person….

Ok, so I know pretty much the entire world watch this horrendous Aaliyah: Princess of R&B, movie last night. I promised myself I wouldn’t watch it, but i couldn’t help myself. I’ve been distressed ever since, but that’s what I get. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

Was it just me or was time flying by? In the span of 10 minutes, she goes from 8 to 15! What? During this time they at least flashed a year across the bottom of the screen, but after a while, they gave up on that and it was a guessing game. I literally gaged the time elapsed and her age, by the length of her hair. Did anyone notice how her hair got longer and longer, like every other scene? And subsequently, another monumental part of her life would begin?! I know you only had two hours, but damn! I have a list of scenes they could have cut in order to place new, more relevant ones there, or extended some of the pre-existing ones.

How about that casting?! Are you freaking kidding me? Was the casting director for this movie under the impression that this was a fictional story, therefore he could cast who he wanted because these people didn’t really exist? That has to be the case because there is no other reason that the casting should have been soooooo far off! Missy and Timb?! Neither were on the large side. Were there no larger actors at your casting call? Their Missy casting pick would have been perfect…if this movie was The Life and Times of MARY J BLIGE! What about Damon Dash? I was always under the impression (thanks to photographic evidence) that he was kind of short and stocky with a fat, bald, blockish head. How come last night he was tall and thin like a slim jim? Why did no one make an effort to find someone with at least the same build for these characters? Lifetime knew this movie was going to be wiggidy wiggidy wack during pre-production! You can’t use her vocals, you got clearance for some of her songs, but not the ones everyone was expecting to hear (NO ONE IN A MILLION?! REALLY?!), Stevie Wonder was your casting director, and the president of cheesyville was your screenwriter. Were those cons not enough for you to sit back and say you know what, maybe we shouldn’t make this movie. Was the fact that you weren’t going to be able to use not one Aaliyah/Missy/Timb callabo in this movie a major deciding factor on giving this the green light or not? Apparently not. That alone was reason to pull the plug.

Wendy Williams….I blame you more than I blame lifetime. Why did you sign on to produce this. You knew the lowdown of the situation and you still signed on. I hope you’re happy with yourself. You will never live this down. As long as I have breath in my body, I will troll you every chance I get. If I ever see you on the streets, no matter how much time has passed, you already know i’m going to ask you WTF were you thinking back in 2014 when you teamed up with lifetime. Year 2025, (via some futuristic social media platform) I will still be reminding you of that sad day in U.S History (11/15/14) where you offend a nation. I hope you spent all of last night, and much of this morning reading all of the comments and memes that were written/made about you. How YOU doin?!

Alexandra Shipp. I kind of feel bad for the kid. Of all casted, she was the only one who wasn’t that bad of a choice. I was totally against it at first, but during he months leading up to the airing, i accepted it. I think her voice was too high for these songs. That being said, I actually think she has a pretty nice voice. Just not the right voice for the covers. I can’t really judge her on her acting, because the script was booty cheddar, so was her acting, which makes sense. I think she did the best she could with the scraps she was given. I also think she sucked in Drumline 2. I also think that movie sucked as well. I won’t judge her completely until she gets a role in a decent movie. Then, if her acting is still awful, I will finally say she sucks as an actress. She’s getting ripped apart right along with Lifetime and Wendy. She could have avoided all of this backlash by passing on the role, but she didn’t and now she’s being nailed to the cross. I don’t think she deserves alllllll the hate and comments she’s been getting though (however funny it may be, lol).

Moral of the story, Lifetime + a biopic= A DISASTER